This page deals collaterally with the music of "Alfonso's Master Plan." It deals more directly with the somewhat unorthodox (yet somewhat conventional) mental meanderings of jeff bradford, the man behind the band.

 
It was brought to my attention by my esteemed colleague the other day that 1 U.S.C. § 1 (i.e, the very first provision in the freakin' United States Code--with the notable exception of the U.S. Constitution this is the supreme law of the land) defines crazy folk as follows: "the words 'insane' and 'insane person' and 'lunatic' shall include every idiot, lunatic, insane person, and person non compos mentis." Apparently, it is Congress' position that all idiots are, by definition, insane. Does this mean next time my fiance says something idiotic I can commit her? Yeeeeaah...I'm thinking the medical science underlying Congress' definition might be just a liiiiittle bit outdated.
posted by Jeff at 12:31 PM

 
Again, the NY times provides a chuckle (most likely because my brain was permanently warped by too much Beavis and Butthead in the early nineties):

"Scientists from the Environmental Protection Agency say there is 'sufficient evidence' to conclude that the country's most widely used pesticide, atrazine, causes sexual abnormality in frogs. . .The scientists noted that there had been six studies involving three species of frogs that show a variety of defects, including frogs with both multiple testes and multiple ovaries, when exposed to the chemical. . .'Over several studies and environmental conditions and species, atrazine exposure did appear to be having some impact on gonadal effects,' Tom Steeger, a scientist with the environmental agency's pesticide office, said on Tuesday in a presentation to an independent scientific panel convened here to assess atrazine's impact on amphibians."

Huh huh. He said "gonadal." My god, I'm a third grader.

For the full article, click here.

Also in the news, "Scientists Report Hottest, Densest Matter Ever Observed." The headline is priceless--someone should rewrite this article Onion-style, complete with the requisite ridiculous quotes. For example, "When questioned about the discovery, notable scientist and astronomer Hans Robovitchus explained: 'That matter was hot! Not just hot, I mean FUCKING HOT! Like, the HOTTEST EVER! This shit makes the surface temperature on Venus look like the fucking North Pole, for Chrissakes! And DENSE as shit, you wouldn't believe how dense. It's like that scene in Animal House, where Donald Sutherland and Pinto are smoking weed--we are talking a fucking universe in the tip of your finger! except DENSER!'"


posted by Jeff at 7:10 AM

 
Short excerpt of an article in today's NY Times:

"Microsoft's suits represent the largest number filed at one time, and reflect Microsoft's willingness to devote some of its considerable resources to fighting spam. It promised more such actions to come.

'We at Microsoft are ramping up our efforts to combat spam,' said Brad Smith, Microsoft's general counsel, at a news conference yesterday.

But many spam experts say that these suits do little to actually prevent spam."

Now, obviously, I fully understand what sort of spam they are "combatting" and why this is a good thing, but I lauged my ass off when I read that. Makes one picture an army of computer programmers launching a tactical assault on a pile of processed meat product. Why the hell do these techies have such a vendetta against a meat "alloy" which combines pork shoulder and ham? And who are these so-called "spam experts?" How does one become a "spam expert?" It's just funny.

posted by Jeff at 8:34 AM